The holiday season is about love, family, peace, and GIFTS. Listen, this is not going to be one of those pieces where at the end I’m all “But the best gift of all is time spent with my family.” Because sometimes the best gift those people can give me is a few hours by myself.

Let’s talk about what makes a good gift.

First, no earrings. Yes, I have pierced ears, but Mr. Forest has relied too long on the earrings fallback. We had to have a little talk about this. I’ve only got two ears, and it’s not like we’re out on the town so often that I can’t wear the same pair I wore last week.

Second, books are always safe. I will read anything except weepy Oprah book club books and sci-fi (do not send me “how can you not like sci-fi” emails. This is my gift wish-list, not yours.) I love everything from any romance to the headiest non-fiction (I’m a little tired of Nazi books, but if there’s something WWII I haven’t read before I’d give it a chance.)

Third, no gift cards. This is not my bat mitzvah, and I am not saving up for a PlayStation. Just a small amount of thought and you can come up with something mildly interesting. The only exception to this is a gift certificate for a specific experience, like a massage at a spa, or a funky restaurant I’ve never tried, because those are things I wouldn’t think to get myself.

Fourth, don’t spend a lot. I’m serious on this. Expensive gifts make me uncomfortable. I don’t have expensive tastes, and I don’t display high-end decorative items in my home. Plus, now I have to buy you an expensive gift, and I only got you a few books I thought you’d like (hint: they’re romances.)

Although this is written from my perspective, I think we can safely say that these are some good guidelines for anyone. Unless you don’t really know the person, then a pair of earrings is always a safe bet.