The secret to giving the perfect gift is to buy something completely random and pitch it as “I saw this and thought of you.” The recipient will be so touched that you were thinking of them at random times they won’t care that they have no use for, nor space for, the most bizarre thing they’ve seen.

Etsy is the best place to find gifts with no relevance to any human.

Someone please purchase this Golden Girls clutch bag. If for no other reason than to validate the Etsy artist who made it.

And someone will want these decorative skulls for their home. Won’t they?

I promise to scrub the toilet that I find next to this toilet paper holder. This is a gift in search of a recipient.

Monthly club subscriptions are great gift options. If you can find the unique monthly gift that keeps on giving, you’ll show that person you understand what makes them special. I’m not talking about Wine of the Month, or even Cheese of the month (real thing).

I mean Soup of the Month. Which I got for a friend once, who says her favorite food is soup.

(My favorite clip from one of my favorite movies)

There’s a Sock of the Month club, for people with…feet, I guess.

And the monthly box subscription for the person who thinks the end of the world is coming and they need to clean their own urine to drink. My only question is what happens when the end of the world comes, but I still have like five more months on my subscription? #ApocalypseProblems

(Dang we have a balance on our apocalypse box subscription)

But you can never go wrong with a book. (Shameless promotion)