Many people know that I enjoy my day-job as a dating and relationship coach. I am fulfilled in helping people overcome their personal obstacles and find true love. I’ve been invited to weddings, and it never gets old when clients send me pictures of engagement rings or just a sweet one of them with their arm around the person with whom they create a meaningful intimate relationship.
I haven’t used this space to talk about the nuts and bolts of dating, but thought I’d spend a few minutes with some helpful tips.
Online Dating—do it! Seriously, there is nothing better for volume of introductions than an online site or app. You’ll have to pick one that will match with your age, demographic, location etc. With the right kind of profile (photos and written) you can attract the kind of person you’re looking for. And with the right kind of tactics, you can get the most out of sites and apps.
Goals—have them! If you are meeting people and then wondering “Huh, can I have a relationship with them?” then you’re doing it backwards. Instead, have clear relationship goals. Know what you need from a partner, and I don’t mean and . I mean spend some time clarifying your values. Study yourself and your family. What is going to help you grow and be your best self? Then the question isn’t if you can have a relationship with this particular person, but rather, “Does this person fit in my relationship goals.”
Mindset—change it! Before people start yelling at me “I won’t lower my standards” I’m not asking you to do that. All I’m saying is to think about how you approach dating. If it’s a chore, if your expectations are low, you will fulfill that prophecy and get low results in return. Here are some of the excuses I have heard:
“I live in [rural community] there are no decent men around here.” “I live in [big city] there are no decent men around here.” “All men want is sex. No one is interested in getting to know you first.” “All men want is a pen pal. They talk endlessly without wanting to meet in person.” “As soon as men hear what I do for a living, they are intimidated because I earn so much.” “Men won’t pick up the tab, they expect women to pay their own way.”
And I can reverse the gender and find similar complaints about women by men. (Women are just looking for a meal ticket/Women won’t let men be chivalrous/Women always expect men to make the first move/Women are put off if a man approaches them.)
Examine your approach, change your preconceived notions, be open.
There’s more nitty gritty details, but this is a start. I think everyone deserves love, everyone should have their own Happily Ever After. And it is within everyone’s reach. You just might not be reaching in the right direction.